January 1st is a day notoriously filled with optimism. People everywhere are waking up with
declarations to be better versions of themselves, myself included. One of the ways I do this is by making a
vision board, which is basically a collage of images and words that reflect my personal
goals. I like to think of it as my
visual plan for the upcoming year, but this time around I just couldn't get into
it. I had the board, optimistic
clippings, and self-sticking tape. I was all set and ready to go. Then something hit me, the reason I couldn't
get into it was because these things represented what I wanted, not what I
needed. Let me explain.
A long time
ago I had made it up in my mind that I needed to be some sort of "super
mom" who juggled work and family while making Pinterest worthy meals every
night with not a hair out of place.
Needless to say this was exhausting to keep up. This "super mom"
ideal was taking a toll on my spirit, but I didn't know it yet. I was sluggish, irritable, and
emotional. I thought I was just tired
from trying to juggle all the balls in my life.
But I was dropping the most important ball of all, the one that belonged
to me.
Somewhere
along the line I forgot about caring for myself. It's almost like I traded love of self for
the love of my daughter, and I was miserable.
You read so many things that tell you that parenting is all about being
selfless, but at what cost? I had become the haggard tired mother that I always
joked about and I only had myself to blame.
My toddler never asked me to focus only on her, the only things she asks
me for is cupcakes and to buy her more songs on iTunes.
The one
question I get asked the most is “What’s it like being a parent?” Let’s see…it’s like your sleeping and someone
splashes ice cold water on you. It’s a jarring
splash of reality, a rebirth in a sense.
You are instantly aware of everything, and the love you have for this
teeny tiny human being is enormous. So
enormous that you may inadvertently put yourself "on hold" so to
speak, to become the type of parent you think they need. You know the kind of parent they need? One
who not only loves them unconditionally, but also loves themselves the same
way. I was completely immersed in every aspect of motherhood and don’t get me
wrong, it was beautifully bright, but this newfound role came with a
rollercoaster of emotions.
I was
blessed but I was also stressed, and as the popular quote says the two cannot
coexist. Then it came to me, in order to be a good mom, a good wife, a good
friend, I had to take care of myself first.
So I stopped complaining about not having any time and I made time: to
meditate, to read a book, to basically do whatever the hell I wanted and you
know what? It felt good.
We hear the
term "Self-Care" so often, but how many of us are really taking care
of ourselves the way that we should?
It's so easy to get caught up; I've got a stack of unread magazines that
prove this point whole heartedly, but I find that even taking a little time,
ten minutes even, makes a big difference in my overall wellness.
Being a
parent is the most AMAZING thing that has ever happened to me, it's also a
tough ass job that requires me to be the best version of myself, to love myself
first. So when I revisited my vision
board I included only one word: Love.
Because when you love yourself, everything else just falls into place.
